PigTale 07 | Deist: Tierney

Forward by Justin Hartford

Sometimes, hearing about what someone else has experienced is not easy to stomach. This PigTale, submitted by a girl named Tierney, was that way for me for a few reasons. For starters, this is a story about someone who left the faith that I profess and believe in my heart to be truth. Reading this instantly puts me in a place where I have to pick a side and possibly even get defensive about my own beliefs. That is not very comfortable.

I am also aware that ChristianPig's current audience is primarily comprised of Christians that may get offended by the sentiments and the language used by the author. Part of me is worried about what might happen after sharing such a publication to such an audience. What might happen to our viewership or to our image? Regardless, we will stay true to our mission. This is not a website solely focused on conservative Christianity in the same way this is not a website centered around leaving Christianity. If we want to truly represent a multitude of perspectives, one like this would naturally come up, and we would be liars if we chose to hide it. 

A quick note to Christians:
This is an opportunity for you and me to actually live out what we say we believe in. Whether or not you can relate with the part of Christianity that Tierney talks about, evaluate your own heart and remember Jesus before making decisions to lash out defensively. I may  be puffing this up unnecessarily, but I know that our first reaction is to cling to our tribe and reject outsiders like a bunch of baboons. No dung slinging ya bunch of animals. Play nice. Smiley face.

Hi there. My name is Tierney. Chances are we have no clue about the existence of one another until now and that's the cool thing about being alive. It's not just you. This brings me to this writing which is about the time I first realized I wasn't going to be a Christian anymore.

It was a couple weeks into my first semester of college. I hadn't really seen my first erect penis yet. Obviously, the best was yet to come. At this time, I was fresh off the boat from Masters Commission and man did I have a fire for God. If you've never heard of Masters Commission, it's a nine month discipleship program. Like the Peace Corps for Christians. You spend most of your day serving, learning, praying, walking around Dallas at 5am in below freezing temps playing a sick, sick knock off of the Amazing Race. You know, normal Jesus stuff. I learned so much about grace during my time in Masters. From watching a lot of people who are important to me be betrayed by a famous televangelist (Jim Bakker cough cough) and silently walk away without destroying him to watching a girl return from Christmas break pregnant and our Pastor sitting her on a chair and honoring her instead of condemning her. She finished out the year with us too. Those images of grace easily bring me to tears and will never escape me.

Back to my first semester.

I was singing on a worship team when I decided to run for Freshman Senator. A highly coveted bullshit position in student government that only 4 lucky freshman got to hold. Everyone was passing out candy. I thought to myself, "If I were a college student surrounded by absurd amounts of free pussy and dick, candy is the least of my wants." So I went to Walmart and bought hundreds of condoms. The good kind. Threw some magnums in there and some ribbed, for her pleasure, and non-latex for the losers who weren't gonna get laid anyways.

After my first day of passing out condoms and chanting "Vote for TBOMB, grab a CON-dom" between classes, I was immediately kicked off the worship team. The worship leader came to my dorm room with his bible, and had a short disagreement with me about not being of this world and kicked me off.  A part of me knew this would happen. I remember praying about this before doing it, and feeling absolutely zero convictions about it.

I won one of the freshman senator spots, and gave the leftover condoms to some incredibly attractive frat guys who would later become some of my good friends. I would end up even wearing their letters one day. However, it was in this moment I realized a couple of things. I first realized my personal relationship with God doesn't align with standard American Christianity. This broke my heart a bit. A lot of who I was at the time was built around community with other believers. However, being that I hadn't seen my first real live erect penis yet, I still had so much life to experience, as well as experiences with other people and how they live their lives. All those experiences would shape me into the person I am now. At the time, it felt like the worst place to be spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I also realized standard American Christianity doesn't care about people, they care about what people do. There's always the argument of "I disagree or I don't condone it, but I still love them". I find that incredibly annoying. Love is the only thing you're called to do. It should always start and end there. The more I began to disagree with a lot of fundamental standard American Christianity beliefs, the more I moved further and further away from Christianity as a whole.

The best thing that did come from this is that for the absolute first time, I realized the true beauty in being vulnerable. I never would have developed those friendships, or won freshman senator, or had a dope story to blog about if I wouldn't have bought those condoms. See, condoms do change lives.

Thanks for reading and remember to always practice safe sex. Except if you're by yourself. In that case - go nuts.


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